The eternal hope

Last night I went to the movie theatre to watch the film Millennium (God, it's out for monts how come it just starred now in here am I living in the end of the world or something?). It's pretty cool and worth seing. I believe american's are soon making a remake - gosh, the rest of the world reads subtitles, why can't they? I mean how lazy is it, does everything have to be in english? Come on!

Anyway, there was this man, who raped and murdered women, and he was explaning how he just killed them not to get caught, though he loved watching hope vanish from their eyes when they realized he was going to kill tem. And it let me wondering...

People always expect mercy, don't they? No matter how faithless they are in mankind, they always have that little lack of fate, that maybe it will be different to them. That their loved ones won't die, at least not yet, that they won't get the epidemy, that there won't show up some freak and kill them for no reason, that god will have pity. Okay, so I don't believe this shit. Perhaps that's because I'm still young, and I'm just not too worried. But perple die, it's painfull, but it's a natural part of life. And who wants to live forever anyway?

I never understood those people who said they wished they could last forever. Who wanted Herbert West to just show up and find out the cure of death. I mean, what a fucking nightmare! My worst nightmare would definitely be live forever.

Yet somehow this is one of religion's most concearn, isn't it? God having mercy, good people having 2nd chances (I don't believe in that either, but that's not important right now) nad blah blah. So untrue. Good people die. There is not an old guy giving second chances to the good men, and punishing the bad ones. Or if there is, he's doing an awful job. The only one who actually punishes the ones who deserves to die is any Rorschach/ Dexter/ Kira kind of criminal, of course it's undeniable that any of those people would deserve death to...

Is it good, that we have this kind of hope? I believe so, anyway. I am sure of the infinit hability of people to let un down, and yet, I believe so much that I can change things, if I want to. That kind of hope is what keeps me going. It's so lame XD. Anyway, I believe that people having that kind of hope is what keeps them going...

I'm curious to know what other people think of this matter, and also, of the etternal life/ after death life.

(Curious how all this came from the film huh... I should just stop thinking once and for all...)

Back at school and the past year bullying story

Unfortunately, holidays are over. Today I went to school for the presentation. They tell us the timetable, our teachers and the new classes. I was so nervous this morning. The idea of going back to that place was just unbearable. First of all, it scared me to have to deal with so many people. So many eyes on me, judjing me, ready to start speaking bad stuff about me as soon as I turn my back. I was all shaky and my heart was popping so fast I think it could explode...
It wasen't as bad as I expected. Still, I hate to go back there. Last year I got a lot of problems. I dress kind of goth, and they bullied me like nothing I had ever seen them doing. It was the entire school. Of course I dealt with it, I had to. I'm not the kind of person who changes to be accepted. Besides, if those people treated me like that because of my clothes, I could never relate to them. Anyway, it got so bad that it got to the principal. But ohh noo, instead of talking to them, teach them accept the differences and care about the inside (it's a catholic school, they are always talking about that), no. He called me. I had done nothing, yet somehow it was my fault, I was the freak in there. He forbidden a bunch of my clothes. Of corse it didn't end the bullying. I had few teachers by my side, and they could do nothing. He called me to his office and threatened to kick me out of school. BECAUSE OF MY CLOTHES! And I had stopped wearing anything that could shock the minds of those little childen: no more combat boots, no more spiked bracelets, no more make-up, no more arm warmers and bracelets, plus a bunch of stull. I only wore black. Does it matter so much? Apparently it did.
I hate him now, I can't even look at him. That attitude of his shocked me more that any kid of my age could. Because from him, I expected either silence, or a reasonable attitude.
Well, anyway, I'll be in that hell one more year.
So today, when I was arriving at school, there was him on the way. I went around and waked in opposit direction. That's what I do now, if he doesn't see me, I don't get as many troubles.
The rest of the day was fine. I spent time with some friends of mine and chatted with the people in my class (I was amazed, when I got all the bullying/clothes/principal complications, my class never made fun on me, and they actually were by my side - I really like them. And if it weren't for my class director having asked me to stay in school one more year, I probably wouldn't have. She's really nice actually. (: ) Then I just walked home with a long-date friend.
It was nice. I just hope the rest of the year goes okay. Or at least not as bad as last year.

Back to school

So, later today (it's about 2 am right now), I'll be back at school. Well, classes will only start tomorrow, but today will be the presentation. I already know my class. And the whole school actually. Not the nicest people in the world. Or, by other words, it's hell. They hate me, and make my life miserable. I'll probably spend most time on my own, but that's just usual. I'm curious though. There will be 3 new people at my class. I wonder if they're nice people. Probably not.

Gosh, I hate so much to have to get back there... I can't even sleep...

Is there anyone else to whom the idea of getting bach to school seams unbearable? Or am I the only one afraid?

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